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The Ugly Truth About The Beauty of Drive

 

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What drives you, really drives you?

When I asked myself that question, my thoughts flew to rainbows, butterflies, and lollipops. Colorful, carefree, delicious images came to mind. But after a few minutes I knew I wasn’t being completely honest with myself. True, those tangible things brought me happiness. They inspired action to achieve the drunken ecstasy of accomplishment. But they weren’t the real ugly prompt that motivated me to wake up each day and push hard against obstacles to achieve my life goals. I dug deeper. I peeled away the pretty outer shell I show the world. Buried deep beneath that polished veneer, I discovered an ugly reality.

It took several, well-disciplined rounds of self-searching to reveal what I now know to be the truth. With each new round, I pulled at strings trying to hold onto threads of decency. I slid from my first spontaneous and juvenile answers to ones that sounded noble. I favored the notion that my drive was fueled by honorable causes. And so, I settled for things like my insatiable need for forward momentum came from a desire to teach and educate, to give back. Or my driving force was powered by my family’s code of ethics. It was my duty as a parent to give my kids a good, healthy foundation they could build on to become productive, independent, contributing adults.

I asked several other people, what drives you? Their answers came quickly. I heard things like, I want to help others. Or, I strive to give my clients excellent customer service. Or, I want to be the best, fill in the blank, I can be. Or simply, my family. These are all decent, well-meaning goals, and there are hundreds more. But I believe the true, gritty answers are not so considerate or thoughtful, but are instead, artfully self-serving.

I pressed for raw answers.

My husband’s first answer was he’s driven by the need to do quality work. We dug deeper and decided he’s a perfectionist. We boiled that down further and discovered his true nature. He’s stubborn. It wasn’t easy to admit, but then we realized his stubbornness has a positive side effect. He’s a fastidious and dependable trouble-shooter who doesn’t stop until the job, any job is completed correctly.

At first, my older daughter said she was driven by a desire to help people. We stripped that away and reveled she liked to be in control. That revelation eventually lead us to her real motivation. She wanted to be the first person to do new things. The positive side effect of her drive is she’s a pioneer and an innovator.

When asked, my other daughter blurted out her driving force without hesitation and without shame. She admitted she was driven by spite. At a young age she was told she wouldn’t achieve her dream of owning a horse. It made her try harder. Being driven by spite is an ugly truth for sure. But it worked in her favor. She proved everyone wrong and has now owned a horse for 10 years. She’s living her dream. She’s an influencer.

Other ugly answers revealed when I asked, what drives you? were: dare devil, adrenaline rushes, pride and control. Quite possibly the character traits we’d find in talented athletes, famed intellectuals and great leaders.

Interestingly, no one I asked mentioned power, money, love, hate, fame or revenge. Though those are a part of life, fundamental motivations appeared to be primed from internal forces, not external influences.

After long consideration, I narrowed down and pin-pointed my core motivation. I’m driven by the pursuit of self-worth. Being an artist who lives life on the fringes, I don’t have comparisons to relate to. I question myself and my methods all the time. It’s likely what fuels my creativity. But it also makes me wonder where I fit in.

I’m always stepping outside of my comfort zone, challenging myself to try new, scary things. I’m never sure if I’ll succeed. But when I do have some measure of success, I feel good about the accomplishment. If I fail, I try again.

And this is actually the advantage to not having comparisons. When you’re on the cutting edge, there are no rules to break. You make the rules up as you go along.

I then take what I’ve learned and channel it in a way that provides for the noble causes like teaching and parenting. Though my catalyst may be an ugly, self-indulgent trait, it’s ultimately used in a positive way.

What drives you? What really makes you, you? The person who ignores criticism, blazes around obstacles and sees failure as a learning curve. Be honest. Peel away the safe answers and you’ll find the truth. There’s no shame in honesty.

Me? In my pursuit of self-worth, I’ve found the confidence to raise my voice. I’m using it to share my experiences and show the hidden value of embracing our primitive nature.

You? What’s your ugly truth? And what beautiful work do you ultimately use it for?

 

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A Day in the Life

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My favorite fortune cookie fortune of all time reads, Today is a good day to focus on one thing from beginning to finish. This was obviously meant for an account or an engineer, and not an artist.

I can’t unload the dishwasher without getting distracted. I’ll feed the pets, throw a load of clothes in the washer and read emails on my phone. All the while the dishwasher door hangs open and the counter is cluttered with clean cups ready to be put away.

When I read that fortune I laughed and thought, no one works that way. It’s impossible to focus on one thing. My hands and mind are continuously busy building something and problem solving numerous things all the time. Tasks are started and completed, just not in a linear sequence.

At my age you’d think I’d have things figured out. I don’t. I’m still learning new stuff every day.

I really believed everyone bounced around from job to job, nibbling away at the many chores that needed to be completed in a day. I thought I was just like everyone else. There was no reason to believe differently. When you grow up with a certain way of doing things, it just is. You don’t question your process.

It was the vanilla scented fortune cookie that made me question everything. It shed light on the possibility that there was another way. I did, what I always do, when I find myself pondering such mind-blowing concepts. I asked my husband if I was weird.

He’s an engineer, an A to Z thinker and tinkerer. He laughed, and then confirmed that yes, I do things very differently from him. He finds my scatter-brained approach both amusing and frustrating. He told me it drives him crazy to watch me buzz around the kitchen. I start three things at one time, make a huge mess of the counter and then finish everything all at once. While he has steadfast dedication to completing every single task he starts before moving on to another.

This got me thinking. Maybe my daily activities are similar to yours. Maybe, as fellow creatives you’d find common threads that resonate with you. And you’d realize you’re not alone in your freestyle approach. Or maybe, my weird and wonderful methods are totally strange to you. You might even find my lack of structure humorous. That’s okay too. Either way, our commonalities and our differences bring us closer together.

My, not so routine day.

No alarm. I wake up when my eyes open to the beautiful sight of oak trees and the musical sound of songbirds in my backyard.

I get dressed and head to the kitchen to fiddle. I make coffee, feed the dogs and cats, unload the dishwasher and maybe straighten the family room.

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Then my two pups and I go for a long walk. They, “do their business,” while I breath in fresh air, admire the morning light filtering through the trees and allow my mind to wander.

Back at home, I get dressed for the day. Then I go to my office and power up my computer. I check my email and social media accounts for the latest news and innovate glass creations.

After that my day unfolds organically. I meander around touching on several different projects simultaneously. The logical side of my brain may plan to start with one specific task. But once I get started that notion is over ruled. My dominant, creative side takes over and it selects a task at random. Sometimes it’s the item that will take several steps and requires a lot time. Other times it’s the chore I’ve been procrastinating. Or it may be the thing I can complete quickly and then cross off my list right away.

As long as forward progress is being made I don’t set rigid rules for myself. So much of my work is creative. Having the freedom to do it when the energy is right, makes the task much more enjoyable. This positive influence directly extends the scope of my originality and enhances the quality of the final product.

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If in my office, I might write a short story, stop to pack and ship videos, all while producing and posting a YouTube video. I might write a blog post, design artwork for a new commission, and take pictures of our goofy cat. I might sort pictures I’ve taken for a magazine article while researching how to change video speed.

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Out in my glass studio, I often layout and build several unrelated projects at the same time. I simultaneously cut glass for a fused glass backsplash, cut iridized glass for mosaic mermaid and test fire pieces for a prototype project.

 

 

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This whirlwind of activity may seem familiar or it may give you a headache.

If you are of a like mind, you can relate to the inspiring freedom related to not following rules. You can also relate to the incredible joy of spontaneous creation.

If you are a linear thinker, that’s wonderful too. We appreciate your dependability and admire your strength of direction.

Whatever your gift, know you’re among friends. Be creative or be logical, but most of all be productive, then we all have good fortune.

All the best,

Lisa

 

 

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Illuminating Life – Light Bulb Moments

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“I’m not turning 11 without a horse.” My daughter announced to the family 10 years ago. We don’t know where she got the bug. The rest of us were clueless when it came to horses. The annual 1 hour, guided, trail ride on our summer vacation was the extent of our interest.

When Nicole was 5, we moved into an equestrian community because we liked the large wooded lot and the rural location. At that time, she didn’t ask if she could have a horse, she asked when she’d get one. She was relentless in her request of a horse. At age 8 we started taking her to horseback riding lessons. She’s been lessoning for 13 years now and currently competes at USDF (United States Dressage Federation) shows.

Her friends don’t understand why she spends so much time at the barn. They ask why she rides 4 to 6 times a week or why she still takes 2 lessons a week after all this time. One naïve kid asked, “Don’t you know how to ride yet?”

Equestrian sports are like other sports, the athletes, in this case the rider and the horse, are continually striving for perfection. That level of commitment requires regular practice. And once a specific goal is achieved, the bar is raised, and they work harder to advance to a higher level with more challenging tests.

Recently, Nicole took a lesson using a new technique. She rode her horse with rolled up towels held tight to her sides with her elbows. It looked silly, but the new aid forced her to sit differently, which improved her seat and posture. She was giddy when she announced she was having a light bulb moment. She told her trainer she had better control and better connection with her horse. Being forced to change her way of sitting enabled her to feel how that specific exercise should feel.

Nicole’s trainer was happy she’d finally grasped the concept she’d been trying to explain all day. The trainer, with more than 20 years’ experience, then shared her thoughts. “I love it when I get a kindergarten light bulb moment, and I think how is that possible when I’ve been doing this so long?”

I could relate to their uplifting realizations. I’ve had similar experiences with my writing. I work hard to improve my knowledge of the craft and to develop a voice as unique as my personality. It’s thrilling when I suddenly become aware of new insight into something that’s so familiar or routine that I couldn’t imagine a deeper understanding was possible.

Revelations on a smaller scale can be equally as exciting.

Take yoga for example. I never took it seriously until I tried it. Wow! I walk for exercise. I thought I was in decent shape. My first 30-minute beginner level yoga class kicked my butt. I was impressed by the degree of exercise one can achieve simply by stretching and bending your body. I love that it nourishes your mind as well as your body to improve overall life balance.

Cooking is another creative outlet where I’m expanding my palate. Over the holidays, I’ve had fun experimenting with new recipes that combine ingredients I like in new ways. I’ve also been using more spices to give every day meals a fresh twist. My light bulb moment came when I realized this new approach to cooking had taken the chore out of feeding the family and made it an edible art project.

Unfortunately, all the delicious food has settled around my middle. Hence, the need for yoga. Here’s my mini night light bulb moment. I believe it’s the festive feastings that are responsible for the number one new year’s resolution, to get in shape.

Light bulb moments are unexpected little treasures to be cherished. It’s exhilarating to learn new things and experience old things in new ways. But the real thrill comes when you recognize your growth and appreciate the enlightened new perspective you’ve gained.

Here’s hoping the new year brings many bright ideas and a flood of light bulb moments.

All the best,

Lisa

 

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It Doesn’t Have to be Over – Keep the Giving Spirit Alive all Year Long

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The best gift you can give is kindness.

The other day, I saw several of my neighbors waiting for the trash collector. When he stopped in front of each of their houses they greeted him. They asked about his holiday plans and gave him a gift showing their appreciation for doing a great job all year.

He comes early. I wanted to spare him my fuzzy blue bathrobe, so I watched from my office window. It was foggy, but I was still able to see the smile on his face as he took the red and green gift bag I’d left for him on the lid of our trash can.

We know how small gestures of kindness from others affect us. But we don’t always know how our simple deeds may impact others.

Several years ago, my daughter asked me to be a team leader for a group of friends who wanted to volunteer for the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life. The day of the event I spontaneously invited one of her friend’s parents to join us. At the time, we didn’t know them very well. But they came and had a great time.

Over time, we became good friends enjoying boating, barbeques and family trips together. Last year, this friend invited me to help with Relay for Life. I didn’t know it at the time, but she had been very involved and had volunteered every year since the first time we walked the High School track together.

At the first meeting they asked each attendee to tell the group why they were getting involved. My answer was simple, Barb asked me. I was selfish. Barb’s a fun, upbeat person and I like hanging out with her. Going to the monthly meetings was guaranteed girl time.

Barb stood up to tell us why she was involved. To my surprise, she was there because I had invited her all those years ago. And at that time, unbeknownst to me, she was fighting cancer. That first relay meant a lot to her and her family. She’s a survivor. Now she does what she can to help others win the fight too.

I was touched to have helped. And I’m so thankful for the years of friendship we’ve shared.

A small pebble can make big ripples.

A high school art teacher was the one who encouraged me to pursue an education in fine art. His support gave me the confidence to follow my dream. And in turn, several of my students have gone on to be successful glass artists. But, the acts and results don’t have to be huge to be of great value. Small gestures are equally as significant.

I appreciate it when a stranger holds the door to the pack and ship store for me when I’m carrying oversized boxes. Or when a driver backs off, so I can merge onto the highway. These simple acts of kindness impact my day in a positive way. They buoy my mood. And positive energy encourages more positivity. They’ll never know how much their generosity meant to me. I keep that in mind when I come across strangers at the mall, or people who provide a service for us. I offer a warm smile; I ask how they are and genuinely care. I like to think it brightens their day, maybe it lessens a burden or at the least, makes them feel special, like someone cares.

When I saw my neighbors greeting our trash collector, I could see how much he appreciated being remembered. It’s these minor moments of compassion and consideration for each other that make this season so special.

You may never know how your actions affect another person. But, when I offer kindness to others it warms my heart. It puts a smile on my own face and a spring in my step. And that’s a good start.

Give from the heart. Pass it on.

Cheers!
Lisa

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Be Selfish – 5 Ways to Become a Better Parent

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By Lisa J. Vogt

You’re thinking, what? Did she just suggest that I should be selfish? Mom’s aren’t allowed to do things for themselves. This is where you’re wrong and I’ll tell you why. When you feel rested, emotionally centered and beautiful, you shine brighter than any star. And that glow lights the way for your entire family. Therefore, your selfishness really is for the good of your family. See how I turned it around to minimize your guilt? It’s a mom thing.

In my experience, when I’m stressed out and at my breaking point, all I need to flip my attitude from worlds-end to sunshine and butterflies is an act of personal kindness. I don’t need an exotic cruise or hour-long massage, though that would be nice. In a crisis, you’d be surprised how simple pleasures can power a shift in perspective.

It’s different for each of us. What works for me may not work for you. The trick is to dig deep, but keep it simple. Don’t over complicate your needs. Identify what makes you happy. What makes you feel special and pampered?

Here are a few ideas that work for me. Maybe they’ll work for you too.

1 Take it Outside

Amazingly, a short 20-minute walk makes a huge difference in my mood. Outside, I can’t help but take in the vastness of the sky. I admire the way the sunlight filters through the trees. I hear the hawks calling to each other. I feel the breeze on my cheeks and enjoy the steady rhythm of my legs moving me forward. With so many beautiful distractions it’s hard to hold onto troubles. I begin to feel small. My problems seem trivial. Once you’re there, your mind clears and there’s suddenly room for constructive problem solving.

The great thing about this exercise is you can do it anywhere at any time. If you’re at work, walk around the grassy perimeter of the parking lot. Watch the squirrels bounce from tree to tree. If it’s raining, go anyway. Just take an umbrella. Unless you’re the Wicked Witch of the West, you won’t melt. And if you are behaving like her, you really need this. Walk at night. Star gaze. Listen for the nocturnal wildlife to begin their day.

For this to work, you must leave your cell phone behind. Seriously. Remember this is your time. Be selfish. The world will revolve without you. It takes the full 20-minutes to relieve your mind of worry and rebuild the strength to handle things logically, instead of emotionally.

I’ve tried to take my phone, promising myself it will stay in my pocket. I have not been successful yet. Something always comes up. A text, an email, an idea to research, all of which could have waited.

Best of all, if you really commit and leave your phone behind, halfway through your walk you won’t care that you even have one. What a relief it is to be free from the silver thread for a few minutes. You’ll love it!

It’s okay to take a friend or dog along, provided having their company makes you happy. And they’re willing to abide by the no cell phone rule. It’s only 20 minutes.

2 Buy Yourself a Lavish Gift for No Reason

My kids come first. I love shopping with my girls, and helping them select clothes or jewelry they’ll enjoy. But it’s rare that I purchase something for myself.

One day, I was feeling overwhelmed by my long to-do list. I decided a break from my routine would put tasks back into a manageable perspective. I went to the mall by myself to shop for myself. Wow, I thought as I walked around the stores, I’m so light on my feet. The only person I have to please, is me. I feel a pang of guilt just writing that. I bought myself silver, hoop earrings. They weren’t expensive, but every time I wear them that special, light on my feet sensation returns.

Lavish, doesn’t have to mean expensive. Buy yourself something that gives you the feeling of being pampered and treated special. It might be flavored coffee from a quaint café, when you usually drink regular at home. It could be fresh flowers for your bathroom, where only you enjoy them. Maybe it’s a leisurely trip to the book store and a new book. Get creative with your ideas. Try new and different gifts each time to keep it exciting.

3 Be a Rebel

Moms are queens of compromise and expert mediators. We want everyone to be happy and get along. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched a gory, horror movie peeking out from behind a pillow, because it brought the entire family together for two hours.

I’m don’t care to watch TV shows. I do like movies though. Romantic comedies, thrillers with unexpected twists, and nature shows interest me. I’m rarely in control of the TV remote, so when I am it’s a real treat. For me, watching a funny chick flick or a show on whales, uninterrupted is heaven. The light-hearted stories are relaxing and uplifting.

Sometimes, when I need a lift, I behave selfishly and watch a sappy Lifetime movie on the family room TV. On these nights, I lounge comfortably on the sofa while everyone else cleans the kitchen and washes the dinner dishes.

Where do you compromise? Is there something that’s important to you, but you never voice your opinion for the sake of family peace?

Be selfish. Speak up. You have the right, and obligation as a mother, to ensure your emotional well-being is healthy. We’re the most influential example our kids have, when we’re happy they flourish.

Now a confession. I’m not all that brave. I like family harmony as much as any mom. I mostly get my Lifetime fix when my husband’s out of town. Just like I expect him to get his MMA fighting fix while he’s on the road.

4 Eat Something Devilishly Decadent

Hot, crispy French fries dipped in an ice cold, thick and creamy chocolate milkshake. I know how to party! If this doesn’t make you feel alive, there’s no hope.

I also love a fresh Fuji apple with chicken salad, a toasted bagel with flavored cream cheese, or a hot fudge Sunday. Your food choice doesn’t have to be unhealthy to be devilish. But it should be something special, a real treat you’re excited to eat.

5 Spread the Love

Happiness is contagious. Don’t wait until you’re ready to snap to pamper yourself. I’m actively making being selfish part of my life. I’ve learned it doesn’t have to be often, nor does it have to be an earth-shaking event. Often the simpler treats are enough to recharge my batteries. When I feel good about myself I have the strength of mind and stamina to create a nurturing, positive environment for my family.

Small acts of kindness bestowed on yourself keep your glowing spirit shinning bright.

Shine on,

Lisa

What small gift would make your day?

What’s your devil’s food?